All's Fair in Love and War
by Fangirl66
Summary: Tweek and Butters are sick of the way they're treated and the way their friends treat each other. Things are about to change around SP High. Bunny, Creek, Style and Future Candy and Tyde


"Well damn! Damn, damn, _damn_! Why is that fatass always causing problems! I have practice today and I don't want to be defending myself from Clyde the whole time!" Kyle Broflowski was not having a good day. He'd missed breakfast _and_ first period because he'd slept through his alarm, and now, on top of everything, Cartman was being an asshole. "He does know she's dating _Token_, right? As in Craig's Token?"

"Oh yeah, he knows." Stan replied, grimacing.

"Then why the fuck is he meddling? We can't get into another war with them!"

Since elementary school Stan's gang and Craig's gang had never really gotten along. Sure when it benefited both of them they could work together but otherwise they tried to steer clear of each other.

Kyle racked it up to too much testosterone. Both groups wanted to rule the school and neither liked sharing. The problem was they were just too evenly matched.

Stan was the captain of the football team while Craig was the captain of the ice hockey team. Both boys were huge and well built and when they fought they tended to make a scene.

Stan sighed, "I know, dude, but I don't see us having any other choice."

Kyle snorted petulantly, "Well I do! Let's just let the lardass fend for himself! Let Craig and them teach him a lesson!"

Token and Cartman were always fighting due to the fact that Cartman had a crush on Token's girlfriend. Cartman being a linebacker for the football team and Token being a defenseman for the hockey team permitted them to be the perfect size for killing each other.

"And get the reputation of being pussies? No thank you." Stan argued. "You know the moment they're done beating Cartman's ass they'll rub it in our faces."

Kyle frowned at the truth in Stan's words. "But I _really_ don't want to fight Clyde today. " He whined.

Kyle always found himself fighting Clyde. It made sense; He was Stan's super best friend and Clyde was Craig's, so they were basically obligated to brawl when the two groups got pissed at each other. They were both on the basketball team so when their friends were fighting the team tended to suffer for it.

Stan patted him on the back and glared at Clyde, who was across the hall gesturing widely at a frowning Craig. "He fucking starts _anything_ before the war, you come to me." He grabbed Kyle's chin, "You understand, Ky?"

Kyle brushed him off with a blush but was saved from answering when Kenny walked over to them.

"You guys seen Butters?" They both shook their heads. "Damn! I haven't seen him since before I died yesterday. I think he's mad at me."

Both gangs nonverbally agreed that allowing Kenny and Jimmy to fight would be unfair. Kenny can't die and Jimmy's disabled…not a good match, though watching Kenny laugh himself to death would be hilarious.

"Why do you think he's mad at you?" Kyle asked concerned. As far as he knew Kenny and Butters had the perfect relationship…aside from Kenny flirting with anything that could fuck, but Butters never seemed to mind.

"I don't know, he's been kind of…" Kenny trailed off searching for the right word, "…secretive lately."

Stan and Kyle busted out laughing.

"Butters? Secretive? You're joking, right?" Kyle said between chuckles, leaning heavily on Stan for support.

"Yeah man, remember your surprise party? He couldn't keep a secret to save his life!" Stan added from his position of keeping Kyle upright.

Kenny ran his hand through his disheveled blonde hair. "Yeah, I guess." He still sounded concerned.

"What the _fuck_!"

Kenny, Kyle, and Stan turned to their left where, across the hall from them, Craig looked like he was having an aneurism. The cause of his attack seemed to be a bloodied Tweak who was sporting a black right eye.

"Did they do this to you?" Craig said ominously as he looked away from Tweak to stare directly at Stan.

"Well _shit_." Stan said as Tweak answered in a voice too low for them to hear from across the hall.

"Well then who _did_?" Came Craig's response.

Tweak shook his head and wrenched his arm out of Craig's grasp before rushing down the hall.

"Oi! Tweak!" Craig yelled after him, still furious, but Tweak didn't look back. Craig looked like he was about to go after him when the bell rang, signally the end of lunch. He looked away from where Tweak had disappeared to Stan. "After practice. Starch's Pond. Don't be late." He turned and left with Clyde.

"Well _shit_." Kyle echoed.

-Earlier-

Tweak Tweek was late for school. Like three hours late for school. He was pretty sure that by the time he got to school lunch would have probably started. "Da-damnit!" He cursed as his excessive twitching almost made him drop his coffee.

"Y-You okay, Tweak?"

Said blonde jumped a foot in the air and only barely managed to not spill hot coffee down his front. "Butters! Ak! Don't _do_ that!"

The tiny blonde giggled behind his hand. "Sorry Tweak, I didn't mean to scare ya."

Tweak found himself smiling back. Butters and Tweak were very similar. They both hung around with the most popular guys in school but neither of them were cool in anyway. Even though none of their friends got along, they always enjoyed each other's company.

Tweak frowned. "H-Have you been crying?" Butters winced but didn't say anything. "Did someone hurt you? You should tell Kenny!"

Another thing that they had in common was that they were each currently getting with the two most infinite playboys in the whole school.

"No!" Butters shouted, which is weird seeing as Butters never raised his voice. "He's the G-Goddamn problem!"

Tweak dropped his coffee at his friend's outburst. "Gah! What do you mean?"

Butters clenched his fists. "I _mean_ that he flirts with _everyone_! I know we're not technically _dating_," He said forlornly, "but he doesn't even care enough not to do it in front of me!" Fresh tears leaked from his already puffy eyes. "But you know how it goes." He laughed humorously.

Tweak frowned. "No, I don't know how it goes."

Butters scoffed, "Like you haven't noticed what Craig's been doing? The way he flirts with girls right in front of your face, it's disgusting!"

"He doesn't flirt with girls right….right in front of my face…" Tweak trailed off remembering yesterday when Red and Craig were talking about the Hockey game two days ago. He hadn't really noticed until now but had Craig been flirting? And last weekend when Craig had been laughing with Bebe, had he been flirting then too?

Butters' eyes grew sadder when a look of horror came over Tweak's face. "I'm really sor-sorry Tweak…I thought you'd noticed."

Tweak's face shifted from horror to righteous fury. "I was per-perfectly happy not knowing! Why did you have to tell me!"

Butters glared back, "I couldn't let you drown in your own ignorance! What kind of friend would I be!"

"A-A better one then you are being now!"

"Fu-Fuck y-you, Tweak!" Butters brought his hand back and smashed it as hard as he could into Tweak's right eye.

The resulting scuffle lasted about five minutes but left both parties with black eyes and bruises everywhere.

-Present-

South Park always was, and always will be absolutely freezing. Eight boys, four on each side of Starch's Pond, huddled in their respective groups.

"W-Where the _hell_ is Butters." A shivering Cartman asked Kenny.

"How should I know?" Came the disbondent answer.

"Well, seeing as you enjoying sticking your—"

"Knock it off fatass! Can't you see they're having issues? Stop being so insensitive!"

"EY! I'm not fat you fucking Jew!"

"Knock it off you two." Stan, the voice of reason, said. "Tweak's not here yet either."

-Other Side-

"W-Where the _hell_ is Tweak Craig? I'm freezing my ass off!" Clyde stated through his violent trembling.

Craig frowned and whipped out his cellphone, dialing Tweak's number again.

_This is Twe—ACK CRAIG THE KNOME IS STEALING MY UNDERPA— Is not available. Please leave a message or try again later. Thank you._

"Damn, his phone's still off."

"Where c-c-c-c-oul…c-c-c-ould he be, I wonder." Jimmy says as he shifts his medical supplies more comfortably on his back.

"Butters isn't here either. You think they're together? They hate it when we fight, maybe they're sitting this one out."

Craig flicked his dark-skinned friend off. "Why would Tweak ditch us for one of Stan's losers?"

"Point"

"Hey faggots!" The foursome looked up to glare at Cartman.

Token was the first to speak. "Coming to give up porky?"

"EY!"

"What our overweight friend is trying to say is that you're missing a friend, we're missing a friend, and we're freezing our nuts off out here waiting for them." Kenny stated logically. "We believe that it is in all of our best interests to postpone the fight until we have located our respective blondes."

Craig nodded, eager to find where Tweak was. "Fine."

As the two groups dispersed Kenny spoke up again, "Craig, a word please." The blonde smiled charmingly at both Token and Clyde who flanked Craig with their hands in fists.

"It's fine guys, I'll see you tomorrow." Recognizing they had been dismissed, Jimmy, Token, and Clyde turned to go.

"You sure you'll be alright, Ken?" Kyle asked worriedly.

"Yep! I'll see you three mañana!"

Kyle sighed, unconvinced but allowed Stan to steer him away.

Craig watched them until they were out of site before turing to his orange clad counterpart.

"So how can I help you McCormick?"


End file.
